How to Deliver and Accept a Sincere Apology
How to Deliver and Accept a Sincere Apology
5 minute read
Oh that a post on how to deliver and accept an apology was so easy to read and implement.
I fully recognize the deep struggle we all share in times that we have hurt others and when we ourselves have been hurt.
I don't want to minimize any of the pain, but instead to give a formula for thinking about how to quickly apologize when you have hurt someone.
Likewise, here are some things to think about when someone comes to you to right a wrong.
How To Deliver a Sincere Apology
1. Ask for the chance to apologize
2. Acknowledge the hurt you caused.
Sometimes pain is simply caused by the notion that the person inflicting the turmoil has no idea or is 'clueless'. Acknowledging the action is a first step to communicate that you understand your behavior.
3. Offer to explain why or how it happened, but don't expect that the person on the receiving end wants or cares to hear your explanation.
This is NOT an excuse, but rather a chance to share why events transpired as they did.
NEVER include a 'but' or excuse in a sincere apology.
Everything before the 'but' becomes meaningless.
4. Express the apology with the some of the most powerful words we have, 'I'm sorry.'
5. Commit to not letting the action happen in the future.
6. Invite the recipient of the apology to move on together if and when she/he is ready.
Do not expect that your apology as sincere and heartfelt as it is will be accepted immediately.
Depending on the damage that your actions may have done, the receiving party may need time to process.
This is their right. Acknowledge and accept it.
Forgiving isn't something you do for someone else. It's something you do for yourself. It's saying, 'You're not important enough to have a stranglehold on me.' It's saying, 'You don't get to trap me in the past. I am worthy of a future. - Jodi Picoult
How To Accept a Sincere Apology and Begin To Heal
Forgiveness is powerful.
The ability to truly put painful events caused by those we may love behind us is a gift we can give to ourselves.
When someone causes us pain and we let that pain grow, we damage ourselves.
Forgiveness is choosing to love. It is the first skill of self-giving love. - Mahatma Gandhi
If given the chance to accept a sincere apology, I recommend hearing the person out and taking as much time to process as needed.
I hope that accepting the apology will give you great peace.
Here are the ways to open yourself to a sincere apology that can begin to heal your pain.
1. Set your terms and boundaries for apology. You decide how and when you will receive the message that has been extended.
This framework allows you to prepare to open your heart and mind to what is to come in an apology.
2. Listen without judgement to the apology. Attempt, as hard as it may be, to simply take in through words spoken or written the apology.
3. Take time to process. If a long term source of pain and trauma has been hurting for some time, it will take time to sort through the emotions of what is presented in an apology.
4. Consider what accepting the apology means and looks like to the future relationship.
Visualize what 'moving forward' with this person/people looks like.
Even if the future doesn't include the party extending a sincere apology, recognizing your future happiness and health with that apology is paramount.
5. Accept the apology.
6. Move on together or apart knowing that you can release the pain and fulfill your dreams without the hurt that can diminish you.
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